I volunteered at a soup kitchen today and I don't know how to feel about it. I feel good that I was able to help the less fortunate yet it also brought up memories of when I was going through that. I really don't want the flashbacks to come back but today made me like one was going to attack me from nowhere. I don't want to live in fear of an attack but at the same time I have to be on the lookout for if one where to arise. Whenever I go into a building I look for an easy spot to hide if an attack were to happen. For most people that doesn't seem normal, but that is my normal. I have to find a safe spot in a building because I'm always on edge. I don't know what to do anymore because every therapist, psychiatrist, and psychologist keep saying that I need exposure. Well I'm done with exposure, I just want the damn fear to go away.

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